Future

I am graduating next year which is just a few months away. Choosing the internship path makes me "graduate" earlier than others who are still studying in school for their final semester. Growing up is so scary, yet pretty cool and worrying at the same time. I have never imagine myself now as a 19 years old (going to 20) lady when I am just 7 years old little girl. I have never thought about my future when I was young. All I see was that is so far away and it will take me forever to reach there here. 

I have no idea where will I be going after this. The fact that I can't enter local university makes me upset. I regretted not trying my best in the first few semesters of polytechnic. When I realised that I should worked harder, it's already the last semester of my course. Although to many my GPA could be consider desirable and good, but not to me. Getting a place in the university seems so out of reach to me, especially getting in business school again. Other courses doesn't seems suitable for me at all. After many years of personal development, I still have yet to find my so call talent and dream.

I struggle finding an alternative route for myself. I don't even dare to pick up the courage to be a teacher. Simply because I have no confidence in teaching students well enough. I will never be able to clear all their curiosity. 

Sometimes I wonder, why am I so desperate trying to get into a local university and other universities are always second on list. What am I gonna do about me not getting in?